The Gift of Surrender

The Gift of Surrender

I once again find myself in what feels like spiraling. Feeling so unwell in frustration, and intense feeling of sickness that most won’t ever experience.

In the past few years I have developed health problems that I am not fully ready to disclose yet. I am fully aware of what’s happening to me. And my brain is not working right. I am able to perform complicated tasks yet cannot function correctly in the most simple.

I am having another wave of not being able to eat and needing to cry but yet I am in between a place of being stronger and resilient from my last bout, to sorrow and frustration that it seems to never end. The intensity of going through these waves makes me feel nauseas, weak, and my usual joyful humor is gone.

And I do not have the strength to try and fight these “waves” of not feeling well.

God’s Word comes into my mind.

“casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

I Peter 5:7 NKJV

“And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.”

Luke 12:29 NKJV

Crying feels good because I am only human.

Casting my care upon Him feels supernatural because I cannot do it without Him.

And in these Scriptures I see the gift of surrender.

I don’t have to get myself worked up over these symptoms. I don’t have to heal myself or make the situation worse by thinking I have any control over this.

What I do have, is God’s Word which speaks to me as I am standing while doing my daily routines, in the midst of waves of dizziness, fatigue, nausea and not panicking over other symptoms I am not disclosing, which would have the average person in the ER.

And this is the moment that when I am weak, He is strong.

The gift of surrender.

It is a mercy and a compassion from God saying, I am right here, give it to me. It is not mine to worry about.

I can see His Hand reaching out to take my cares from me to give me rest.

I don’t know anybody who voluntarily volunteers to take anyone else’s problems.

The compassion, love and mercy of God is amazing.

Let it go. Here Father, take it and I trust you.

M.L.